Monday, November 16, 2009

Ikea? I oughta!

4 visits. 3 days.

This is the story of rage. We purchased a bed on Wednesday night. Store wasn't too busy, it was relatively empty and actually quick and painless.

Which should have been my first clue.

1) Missing parts (rails for the drawers)
2) Drive back with instruction manual in hand to get rails
3) Am told by the drill sergeant at customer service that I need a receipt and/or I may have to pay for the parts, despite having the instruction booklet that I've been using all morning, despite driving to Ikea from downtown, despite having to drive back to the city and then back to Ikea to get 4 rails
4) Drive back to the city empty handed
5) Drive back to Ikea with a receipt and the same GD instruction manual
6) Explain the situation again and the clerk (it's a new one as it's taken me over an hour to get back to the city, find the receipt, and return) seems puzzled
7) Sit and wait a half hour while they pull the product from the shelves to give me new rails
8) Head home, rails in hand
9) Assemble single drawer
10) Drill rails (using different hardware as the bolts provided are incorrect and the holes are not aligned to the part)
11) Insert test drawer
12) Realize drawer does not insert properly
13) Lose my shit
14) Lose my shit more
15) Call wife, who in turn loses her shit
16) Take apart drawer, unscrew rails
17) Ignore for 12 hours
18) Return to Ikea
19) Helpful customer service person sorts problem...I've been provided:
a) the wrong rails
b) the wrong wood for the drawers

In all, it managed to take me 3 days to assemble a piece of Ikea furniture. I think that has to be a record.

I hate Ikea. We are looking for a sofa/chair for our living room and Ikea sure as shit isn't going to be a shopping destination for it.


  1. Dude, that's the worst. I want them to make my Expedit 5 x 5 stop leaning like a rhombus, but I doubt they can help with that since it's taken me two return trips for temporary solutions/hardware that doesn't fit, and resulted in me being told that I must not actually have an Expedit or know what I'm talking about, because of course the Expedit is a feat of engineering genius and I'm obviously incompetent/stupid/both.

  2. P.S. why do you need a new sofa?